No Toilet Video Leak, Claims Flush Co

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No Toilet Video Leak, Claims Flush Co

JOHNSTOWN, PA—A representative for Lassee Industries, Inc. today denied charges that video from the company’s automatic flush sensors has been obtained by pornographic websites and streamed to their users, as alleged in the satirical novel The Urban Legion. “These accusations are not based on fact,” said Mr. Seymour Bush, Media Relations Officer for the Johnstown-based plumbing controls manufacturer, responding to protests outside corporation headquarters.

“There is no way for the video from our airport and mall restroom flush sensor cameras to fall into the wrong hands,” Mr. Bush explained. “The streams are transmitted from the stalls and urinals to our Linux-based flush-control server over a ROT13-encrypted wifi connection, processed in real time, and immediately discarded to a trashcan database, which is emptied every 24 hours. Access to the server and database is password-restricted to necessary personnel only, such as Lassee remote service technicians, IT security officers, and janitorial night staff.”

Mr. Bush spoke to reporters as the crowd outside chanted “Stop the leaks!” and waved crude signs declaring “I’m Not Ready For My Close-up” and “Privates Are Not Public.”

“Besides,” Mr. Bush added, “the video from a flush sensor is only standard definition, and tinted by a red or gray lens cover. Beyond our infrared auxiliary light source, ambient light in a typical restroom is limited. This results in a low quality image that could only interest the most dedicated voyeurs.”

“Even if they could obtain access to our video,” Mr. Bush concluded, “those voyeurs will not know who you are—they won’t be looking at your face.”

Mr. Dave Agans, author of The Urban Legion, could not be reached for comment.